My Pet Black Widow Spider

Here's some friends I found in my backyard today while cutting my grass. The Black Widow had just had about 50 million babies. They are the red dots in the lower part of the picture.


This guy was on the rocks right next to the Black Widow.

My $9 Knife

Below is my new knife that I just bought for $9 for my camping trip July 4th. It was highly rated on www.KnifeTests.com and proved to be extremely durable. I did not want to take any of my expensive knives on the trip, so this seemed to fit the trip perfectly. It withstood many torture tests done on www.KniveTests.com and the guy there plays no games when it comes to testing knives. I bought 2 because they were so cheap.

The knife can be purchased HERE.

The torture test can be seen HERE.

Running Out of Gas?

I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.....

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

World's Fastest DUI Test (funny(

Very Sad Story... PLEASE READ!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and
with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid butt against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for all of my friends who send me those heart-warming stories!

Farm Kid at Marine Corps Boot Camp (funny)

FARM KID

(NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING)

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls -eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over inSilver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

Heat Blasting Redneck Cooking Ghetto Fools in Loganville, GA

I've never in my life had to reside in a building that was 97 degrees... until yesterday. Our AC is broken and Atlanta, GA is breaking heat records every day. We sure do know how to pick the times for "life" to happen.

At any rate, I figured you'd enjoy my redneck/ghetto pictures of the portable AC unit that I stole/borrowed from work. It's good for cooling a space the size of a pants pocket. Yeah... like a pocket in your pants; about 8 cubic INCHES! It basically doesn't work in our master bedroom at all, so my wife and I have been guests at our own house for the last couple of nights. The thing works ok in the guest bedroom which is smaller. Enjoy!