My Pet Black Widow Spider

Here's some friends I found in my backyard today while cutting my grass. The Black Widow had just had about 50 million babies. They are the red dots in the lower part of the picture.


This guy was on the rocks right next to the Black Widow.

My $9 Knife

Below is my new knife that I just bought for $9 for my camping trip July 4th. It was highly rated on www.KnifeTests.com and proved to be extremely durable. I did not want to take any of my expensive knives on the trip, so this seemed to fit the trip perfectly. It withstood many torture tests done on www.KniveTests.com and the guy there plays no games when it comes to testing knives. I bought 2 because they were so cheap.

The knife can be purchased HERE.

The torture test can be seen HERE.

Running Out of Gas?

I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.....

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

World's Fastest DUI Test (funny(

Very Sad Story... PLEASE READ!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and
with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid butt against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

This is for all of my friends who send me those heart-warming stories!

Farm Kid at Marine Corps Boot Camp (funny)

FARM KID

(NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING)

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls -eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over inSilver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

Heat Blasting Redneck Cooking Ghetto Fools in Loganville, GA

I've never in my life had to reside in a building that was 97 degrees... until yesterday. Our AC is broken and Atlanta, GA is breaking heat records every day. We sure do know how to pick the times for "life" to happen.

At any rate, I figured you'd enjoy my redneck/ghetto pictures of the portable AC unit that I stole/borrowed from work. It's good for cooling a space the size of a pants pocket. Yeah... like a pocket in your pants; about 8 cubic INCHES! It basically doesn't work in our master bedroom at all, so my wife and I have been guests at our own house for the last couple of nights. The thing works ok in the guest bedroom which is smaller. Enjoy!

Letter To Interlink Control

Today I will be writing Interlink Control a letter and submitting them to the Better Business Bureau. I don't know that anything can be done at this point, but I'm going to go down fighting these little homos. As soon as the cancellation is final, we'll be picking up service with the award winning alarm company named Alarm Force.

Interlink Control: Kudzu Review

Today I was able to post a review on Kudzu for Interlink Control. There were only 3 reviews so far with mixed reviews, but we'll see if that grows once I start promoting my issues.

Interlink Control has yet to offer me any other solutions other than to pay $75 + $30/hr to come look at my system. So... until my contract runs out 14 months from now, I'll be hard at work to make sure that the online world knows the truth.

InterLink Control is a Terrible Home or Office Security System Provider Serving Atlanta, Loganville, Lawrenceville, Snellville & Metro Atlanta GA

Why Interlink Control in Atlanta, GA Couldn't Even Monitor Their Own Poop Schedules

InterLink Control Home Security in Atlanta, GA has officially proven themselves to be the best of the worst home security system providers in Atlanta, GA. They have also officially ticked off the worst person, as I will be applying 100% of my SEO knowledge into warning the world of this fraudulently home security company in Atlanta, GA that lacks service, lacks professionalism, lacks integrity and can only be described as dishonest and incompetent.

So What's The Big Deal?

About 2 years ago they were hired by me to do a job. The job included installing a security system and monitoring my home. Where did they fall completely short?

1. My alarm has gone off on more than one occasion, where no phone call was made to the police, or to my home.
2. I have given them the incorrect password before, and it has been accepted by the company with no further identification.
3. My alarm keypad has had errors on it for 3 MONTHS and they have promised several times that a tech would call us... butt no call.
4. They want to charge us $75 + $30/hr for somebody to come fix THEIR broken equipment.
5. Lee, who is a manager there, sounds like a girl on the telephone and is the "King of the "Ums""
6. Lee's favorite word is "Um."
7. When each of these issues were explain to Lee, he answered "Um."

The Bigger Problem

After having all of these issues occur, we tried to cancel our home security system provided to us by InterLink Control. They're response? "You will have to pay a $150 cancellation fee."

So... they suck at what they do, have defaulted on holding their side of the contract, which was to monitor my services, and to top it off they want me to pay them for their inadequacies.

The Solution

1. I will be blogging about them frequently in order to promote their terrible services and brand awareness.
2. I will be reporting them to the Better Business Bureau.
3. I will be calling them frequently, every week, just to say "you smell like doo doo and so does your momma!"
4. I will not stop being obnoxious until this blog turns up on the first page of Google for their search terms which have been pulled out of their website's content, meta tags, title tags and keywords.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND AND DON'T USE INTER LINK CONTROL!

P.S. I have purchased the domain www.InterlinkControlSucks.com. It should be feeding this blog live very soon.

HOLY CRAP...LITERALLY! I have to go change my pants.

This is called "though you lead me into the valley of the shadow of death." Stupid man almost killed his wife or his sister... or cuzin. I don't really know these people, so I don't know if they even knew each other. SOrry... my ADD kicked in.

This will make your butt cheeks pucker until tomorrow!

COMING SOON! Future Posts

there's plenty of new posts below this one.

Here's what I have on my future posts list:

Gun & Knife Collection
Blogger Contest (I'll be mailing a Starbucks gift card to the winner!)
Giant Ant Hill In My Yard
Camping Trip Update & Pictures
Tile Floor Project & Pictures
Biggest Poop You've Ever Seen. No... I'm kidding on this one. You sick people got all excited about it. Grose. Keep your doo doo to yourself.

Later

Update on the attack dog

So...lately a big black dog (no, i'm not a freakng racist) has been chasing my wife on her walks and barking aggressively. It's never on a leash and comes out of the same garage door every time. It's done this for the 3 years that I have lived here, and it doesn't bother me even though it has literally tried to eat me a couple of times... I just shake it off. BUT, chasing my wife ain't happen'n!

So... It finally drew the last straw when on my last run it viciously attacked, barked, growled, etc. at me. I went to the door...

knocked.
knocked again.
rang the doorbell (i don't think it worked cuz i couldn't hear it dinging).
knocked again.
I know they were home.
The garage door was open and there were 3 cars in the garage.
Buncha sissy's.
left.
went home and typed up a letter.
below is the actual letter.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
!ADULT CONTENT!

Homeowner,

I am fed up with your loose dog chasing me, and more importantly, my wife. I can deal with it, but I will NO LONGER put up with your dog chasing my wife and aggressively barking and growling at her while chasing her. If your dog chases my wife one more time, it will end up on your front porch with a broken neck! I have no dispute between you personally, or your family, but please understand that the protection of my family is my number one interest and I'm tired of her being afraid to go out.

I have also notified animal control with your address.

Thanks
- - - - - - - - -

Walked back to the house and dropped it in the mailbox.

Now, I was upset when I wrote it and probably should have cooled down first, but guess what...

I went running today, and guess where that mug was for the first time since we have lived here???

ON A LEASH!

I WIN!

Ugliest (normal) Woman Alive!

She is one ugly mo fo! I can't remember which movie it was, but I saw her in a movie and had to pause it. If this is your mother, I'm sorry. No, really... I'm terribly sorry. It looks like she ran into a brick wall face first, then tried to iron it back out. Hopefully it was a costume and this isn't a real person,. otherwise I will have to account for this post when I get to heaven.

Fart Sniffer?

Here's a new picture of me and the wifey. She might shoot me when she finds out I posted a picture of her molesting my ear, or maybe she is farting, or sniffing for a fart? I dunno. Either way, its pretty funny.

Camping Trip Preparation!

Holla! I haven't broken this bad-boy out since I've been married! got her all cleaned out and ready! "Ready for what," you say? A CAMPING TRIP!!!

July 4th we'll be hitting up a seclusive camping spot. Brittany has never really done camping like we'll be doing. Pooping in the woods, baths in the river, food from under rocks, MREs, etc.

4 of us will be staying in this 9-man tent. We'll be packing Glocks, rocks and socks.

It all fits in this bag.
Cleaning it out because about 50 people slept in this thing from college.
Taking it down.

SORRY!

I'll have some new posts up tonight!

Woobang Dongcheon-dong Gyeongju Si Gyeongsangbuk-Do

So I looked into purchasing www.KevinWebb.com, and found out that somebody else had already purchased it. Want to know who bought it? Well, the guy listed below owns it... no joke!

Woobang Dongcheon-dong Gyeongju Si Gyeongsangbuk-Do

I don't know??? Maybe he is looking into a name change?

You can find owner domain info on WhoIs and by searching Network Solutions online.

Later.

My New Office

Nothing to say, just wanted to get ya'll a picture.

-Kevin Webb

Bowling Shoes: The Ground Jordan's

So... I'm on a Monday night bowling league with some guys from work and we're doing pretty well. We're in second place right now (anything but 1st is losing) and my average is 170. Anyways... let me get to the point.

Last night, our #1 bowler, Pete Jordan, was up to bowl. He aimed, he approached, and then he...

FELL FLAT ON HIS FACE!

NOT KIDDING.

Now, don't get me wrong. This guy is cool and he's our best bowler, but opportunities don't come along like this very often, so I had to get a shot in.

To commemorate Pete's bravery and his willingness to mop the floor for us, we have a new conceptual bowling shoe design in the works. Here's our first proto-type. Thanks, Rod for donating your daughter's training wheels.

They are called "The Ground Jordan's." As you can probably guess they serve a completely opposite roll from the "Air Jordan's" we all know about. While the Air Jordan's were made to leap high in the sky and get as far off the ground as possible, The Ground Jordan's were created to help you stay up, and on the ground. They were properly named after victim, Pete Jordan.

They come complete with safety hardware, quick-release velcro latches for height and training adjustment and are available in array of colors.

-Kevin Webb

Crazy Backwoods Church!

This is NO JOKE. Me and my buddy Mike went shooting this past Thanksgiving at the boonies gun range in Columbus, GA. The range is actually one of the nicest ranges that I have ever been to, but I can't say the same for the local church. Sorry I just took a picture of the sign... you can probably guess why we didn't drive back in the woods to take a picture of the actual church building.

#1 The church was not viewable from the road. Enough said.
#2 We saw this on our way back from the range and we were out of ammo.

Had those 2 obstacles not stood in our way, you'd be seeing pictures of the church. I plan on getting some on my next trip to the range. Stay tuned and check back in 2 weeks for those.

Is this for real? Solar lights duct taped and jigga rigged to the sign?

Columbus, GA Gun Range

Here are some pictures of the Columbus gun range.





I have witnesses that this was done on accident at 25 yards. plus, it was cold outside.

Backyard Landscape Remodel

The remodeling has begun! I have the kitchen tiled, and with that knocked out of the way, I'm moving on to the backyard. I've gotten a good start, and the free pine straw and river rock were a big help in the budget. Luckily I live in GA and was able to break and haul rock off the mountain back in the woods. The swing was $99 and I spent $64 on plants, soil and stepping stones. $163 total.

Now, I just have some grading to do, and then laying down the new sod. I have to space off the fire pit area and gravel or mulch it AND THEN I'll be done!

Basketball hoop is next!

P.S. I'm doing this all cash, or finding what I need in my yard, woods or surrounding areas. NO MORE DEBT BABY!

Enjoy the pics.

Here's a before picture of the backyard.


Here's some after pictures.

No Wonder The Middle East is Full of Suicide Bombers

It's no surprise that these people (yes, I said "these people") are strapping bombs to themselves and loading up their vehicles with leftover mortar rounds. Iraq is literally hot as hell, they cover their women from head to toe (you know they are hairy and sweaty) and whenever I see one on TV, they look like they have a cactus in their butt, or deer antlers. One of the two.

Guys, guys, guys... let your women wear some shorts and a tank top, sell your bombs and buy air conditioners, and you might just stop being so angry all of the time. Stop bending over when deer run by too.

It's worth a try.

Now, if I can just figure out how to translate this into Arabic and send it to the Al Qaeda bases we'll be good to go.

Any help?

Ruby Tuesdays Denies Kandace A "Happy Birthday!"

It's just stupid. Ruby Tuesdays has joined the world of democratic, poop-scoopin' fools that refuse to celebrate a person's birthday in fear that a customer might get upset. SERIOUS? Yes, I requested a "Happy Birthday" for a friend that we went to lunch with today. Guess what?

DENIED!

I personally would have never thought that such a simple gesture would come under attack from the world of too-much-doo-doo-in-my-pants nut case politics.

P.S. The place smelled like poop too. No joke.

The New Ride! (funny)

We sold our 1992 Honda Civic and upgraded to a 2006! The old civic had no power steering, windows, locks, seats... and no power engine! When driving up hill, you'd have to throw it in to 2nd gear, stick your foot out the door and start kicking. Even then the max speed was only 57 miles an hour. I got it up to 80 mph one time going down hill with the wind behind me after a poop (so I didn't weigh the usual). So, now I'm stuck with a Ford that retained less value than a burnt down double-wide trailer while Brittany gets to roll in style.

She deserves it. She lets me drive it once a month and on my birthday.






We sold our 1992 Honda Civic and upgraded to a 2006! The old civic had no power steering, windows, locks, seats... and no power engine! When driving up hill, you'd have to throw it in to 2nd gear, stick your foot out the door and start kicking. Even then the max speed was only 57 miles an hour. I got it up to 80 mph one time going down hill with the wind behind me after a poop (so I didn't weigh the usual). So, now I'm stuck with a Ford that retained less value than a burnt down double-wide trailer while Brittany gets to roll in style.

She deserves it. She lets me drive it once a month and on my birthday.

New Damascus Homes Office Building!

Damascus Homes has finally moved in! From our cubicle-filled retail space, to our off-the-chain, hot, new 2-story office. It took three, 14 hour days to get moved... but it was worth it!